Birth Partner
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Before the Birth: Preparation for Birth Partners

Before the Birth: Preparation for Birth Partners

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Source: *The Birth Partner* (5th ed.) — Penny Simkin with Katie Rohs

The Role of the Birth Partner

The birth partner is not a passive bystander. The role is active, informed, and present. Simkin distinguishes between partners who simply "be there" and partners who genuinely know what's happening and can respond.

The birth partner's job during labor:

  • Know what normal labor looks and feels like
  • Know the comfort measures and be ready to use them
  • Read the laboring person's cues — not ask "are you okay?" but watch their body and behavior
  • Be the point of continuity when staff changes, shifts end, and the environment shifts
  • Keep track of what's happening medically and ask questions when needed
  • Protect the laboring person's ability to stay in their rhythm and ritual

You cannot over-prepare. The more you know going in, the more relaxed and effective you will be.

Getting a Doula

A doula is a trained labor companion, not a medical professional. Studies consistently show that continuous labor support from a doula reduces cesarean rates, reduces the use of pain medication, shortens labor, and increases satisfaction with the birth experience.

What a doula is:

  • Trained in labor support, comfort measures, and normal birth
  • Experienced at reading labor and knowing what to try when
  • Present for the entire labor, unlike nurses who rotate shifts
  • A resource and calm presence for the birth partner, not a replacement

How to find one: DoulaMatch.net is the standard directory. Interview at least two or three. Ask:

  • How many births have you attended?
  • What is your approach if I want to avoid pain medication? If I want it?
  • How do you support the birth partner specifically?
  • What happens if you are unavailable?
  • Do you offer a prenatal visit and postpartum follow-up?

Cost typically ranges from $500 to $2,000 depending on experience and region.

Preparing for the Birth Environment

Hospital or Birth Center Tour

Visit the facility before the due date. Know:

  • Where to park at night
  • Where to enter (labor and delivery entrance vs. emergency entrance)
  • What the triage and check-in process looks like
  • What the rooms are like and what equipment is standard

Pre-register at the hospital in advance to reduce paperwork during labor.

Supply List: Hospital or Birth Center

**For the laboring person:**

  • Lip balm (breathing dries the lips fast)
  • Hair ties
  • Warm socks and a comfortable robe or two
  • Pillow from home with a distinct pillowcase (hospital pillows are flat and indistinguishable)
  • Massage tools: tennis balls, rolling pin, or a specific massage device
  • Focal point item (photo, a small object to look at during contractions)
  • Snacks and drinks for early labor (clear liquids, light foods)
  • Toiletries for the stay

**For the birth partner:**

  • Change of clothes
  • Snacks and drinks (you may be there all day and night)
  • Charged phone and charger
  • Cash for vending machines or cafeteria
  • The birth plan (multiple printed copies)
  • Contact list

**For the baby:**

  • Going-home outfit
  • Infant car seat, installed correctly before the due date

Supply List: Home Birth

Everything above, plus:

  • Waterproof mattress cover (two layers: cover with fitted sheet, place second cover, place another fitted sheet — peel back during labor)
  • Stack of old towels and washcloths
  • Large trash bags
  • Receiving blankets
  • Heating pad
  • Bulb syringe (midwife may bring)
  • Flexible straws
  • Pitcher and basin (for catching water, warm compresses)
  • Birth tub if planned (rental typically arranged weeks in advance)
  • Infant car seat

Late-Pregnancy Exercises

These prepare the body and the baby's position for labor. Begin daily in the third trimester.

Squatting

Squatting opens the pelvic outlet and encourages the baby to descend and rotate into position.

How to: Lower into a full squat, feet slightly wider than hip-width, heels flat on the floor if possible. Hold for 30 seconds to a minute. If balance is difficult, hold a sturdy chair or hang onto a doorframe.

Aim for several minutes of squatting per day, accumulated in small sessions.

Pelvic Rock (Cat-Cow)

Reduces back discomfort and keeps the pelvis mobile. Also encourages the baby to move out of a posterior position.

How to: On hands and knees, alternate between arching the back up (cat) and dropping the belly down (cow), breathing through the movement. 10 repetitions, several times per day.

Kegel Exercises

Strengthens pelvic floor muscles. These muscles support labor and are critical for postpartum recovery.

How to: Tighten the muscles around the vagina and urethra (as if stopping urination). Hold for 10 seconds, then release. 10 repetitions, at least once daily. Do these while sitting to reduce stress on the perineum.

Perineal Massage

Reduces risk of severe tearing during birth by increasing flexibility of the perineal tissue. Start at 34-36 weeks.

How to: With clean hands and a lubricant (olive oil, coconut oil, or an unscented lubricant), insert thumbs one to two inches into the vagina and press downward and to the sides with a U-shaped sweeping motion. Hold for 30 to 60 seconds until a stretching sensation is felt. Repeat for 5 to 10 minutes, 3 to 4 times per week. The birthing person can do this themselves, or the partner can assist.

Tracking Fetal Movement

The Count-to-10 method is a simple daily check that fetal movement is normal. It should become a habit in the third trimester.

How to: At the same time each day (after a meal works well), count fetal movements. Note the time when counting starts. Count until you reach 10 movements. Most babies reach 10 in under an hour. Record the time.

If 10 movements take longer than 2 hours, or if the baby is unusually quiet, eat something sweet, lie on your left side, and try again. If the count is still slow, call the caregiver. This is not cause for immediate panic, but it warrants a call.

Preparing a Birth Plan

A birth plan is a one-page document that communicates preferences to the hospital or birth center staff. It is not a contract. It is a communication tool. Keep it short, clear, and positive.

What to include:

  • Names of the birthing person and birth partner(s)
  • Who is present (partner, doula, family)
  • Labor preferences: freedom to move, IV preferences, monitoring preferences, bath or shower access
  • Pain medication preferences (discussed below)
  • Pushing preferences: spontaneous bearing down vs. directed pushing
  • Newborn preferences: delayed cord clamping, skin-to-skin immediately, breastfeeding initiation, who cuts the cord
  • Any medical context the staff should know
  • What to do if a cesarean becomes necessary

Include a brief, human note at the top to the staff: "We are so grateful to be in your care. We have thought carefully about these preferences and hope you'll help us stick to them when possible. We understand things can change."

Print multiple copies. Give one to the nurse at check-in. Give one to the midwife or doctor. Keep one for yourselves.

Pain Medication Directive

Discuss this before labor. The birth plan should include a clear statement about medication preferences and a code word.

Example: "Our preference is to avoid epidural unless requested. The code word for 'I am done and ready for an epidural' is 'peaches.' Please do not offer medication unless we use this word."

Or the reverse: "We plan to use an epidural and want guidance on timing."

Both are valid. The point is that the decision is made ahead of time, in a calm moment, rather than in the middle of a difficult contraction.

Preparing Siblings

If there are older children:

  • Read age-appropriate books about birth and new babies
  • Let the child meet the doula or midwife in advance if possible
  • Decide who will care for the child during labor and have a backup
  • Prepare the child for the reality that the birthing person may make loud sounds during labor and that this is normal and not dangerous
  • Simkin's DVD "There's a Baby" is recommended for showing children a real birth

Building the Contact List

Have a list ready before labor starts. It should include:

  • The caregiver's office number and after-hours number
  • The hospital or birth center main number and labor and delivery direct number
  • The doula's number
  • The person who will care for siblings or pets
  • A backup person for each role above
  • A short list of family and friends to notify after the birth

Decide ahead of time: who gets called immediately after the birth, and in what order?